After reading my recent blog, my brother Geoff emailed me a list of different responses to handle all the questions we are bothered with everyday. Geoff also deals with the same nonsense. He is the same size as me, and played professional basketball as well.
Here is a small example of how random these situations are. My brother, my friend Josh Asselin..who also is a seven footer, and I were walking through a Walmart in Roanoke, VA where we all played in the D-League. A strange looking man sporting a "trendy" mullet came up to us and asked how tall we were. After giving the normal responses, He proceeded to ask the three of us, and I quote..."Ya'll Twins?"
(He also asked if we were "Dazzlers", which I can only assume meant do we play for the Dazzle.)
So anyway, I thought the email was hilarious and decided to add a few more to the list. So here is the Owens brother's collaboration on how to deal with the question we are asked the most...
Responses to the Question “How tall are you?”
“About 6 feet…not including my head”
Answer in obscure units:
o about 4.6 cubits
o I dunno…about 3
o A leap
o 21 hands
o 20 billion angstroms
o 27 Roman minor palms
o 92 pounce
o 1 and a half sticks
“Tall enough to know you are balding”
“From my head I am tall enough to reach the ground”
“I dunno…I stopped counting after I was tall enough to go on the good rides”
“I am not sure…how bad at conversation are you?”
“It depends on where you start measuring” (dirty)
“I am much taller with my pants off” (dirty)
Waiving my hand on the top of my head, “About this high”
“I am about 2 feet shorter than the tallest man in the world, thanks for pointing out something else I am not the best at” (spoken very angrily)
“I may be tall but I still have a lot of growing up to do” (great name for a blog by the way)
When someone refers to you as “big guy,” respond by referring to them as “medium sized guy.”
“I don’t know…its not finished yet”
Ask them to guess…become infuriated at incorrect answers.
Responses to the Phrase “you are tall”
….. -it is not a f***ing question so no response is needed.
Quickly turn around; Yell “Who?!! Where?!!” Cower nervously behind them.
Smile and stare in the distance, Repeat the phrase “So I am”…laugh menacingly.
Respond in kind with obvious comment regarding their appearance:
o You are short/fat/stupid/ugly/bald/etc
“I am! Thank you for telling me!” (excitedly)
Sound confused…Tell them you were 5’10 when you left the house…With your voice trailing off say “I don’t feel so good…I think I need to go to the hospital”…fall to the ground unconscious.
Point out something obvious in the setting for example:
o “The sky is blue!”
o “Bananas are yellow!”
o “The earth is round!”